Now, I don't tell them I think they are being ridiculous/short sighted/downright dumb. I'm not that unkind or that arrogant. But I do have to talk to myself about why I feel this way and remind myself that it doesn't matter what they do because it is their life. It's a control thing, I think. Why I feel the need to control what others do is beyond me, and it's quite frustrating.
What I know logically doesn't seem to matter. It's a thought pattern that I have to break. I think that's why I keep coming up against situations with people I love where they make choices that I think cause them more stress or heartache. It's because on some level I'm trying to break free from this destructive thought process so I keep trying to give myself the opportunity to do so.
I'm not sure if I am expressing myself very well. Perhaps I should just say that I find myself (in my head at least) trying to be a controlling bitch. I find this an unattractive trait and am fortunately given lots of opportunities to rise above this and be a supportive and non interfering friend.
"Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing, there is a field. I will meet you there."
~Jalal ad-Din Rumi
This quote appealed to me. I'd like to think that somewhere out there is a kinder, gentler, more accepting me. She's simply waiting for me to find her.
1 comment:
Please don't judge yourself to be a controlling bitch. That's just not fair, because you are just admitting to what we all do. The fact that this is all internal means that you're trying to find the way to serenity yourself. I just wrote a blog about serenity, and here we are, in the same place.
Post a Comment