How Much Damage Am I Really Doing?

It's been said that people spend their entire adult lives trying to overcome what has been done to them by their parents. Now, I don't believe this is true for everyone, but I do know that a great many people are in therapy to learn to cope with this or that that their parents did or did not do. My thought on this is that our parents loom large in our early lives; they are the most prominent and important people in our world for a great many years. We are bound to be impacted by them. And there is probably some truth to the fact that the impact they have on us is not always positive.
This being the case, how am I screwing up my daughter?
I believe, as a parent, I question nearly everything I do and nearly every choice I make. Am I feeding her the right things? Am I spending enough time trying to help her learn words and sounds? Am I cuddling her enough? Am I coddling her too much? This is not to say that I stand around questioning every move I make before I make it. I do, however, lie in bed at night wondering if the decisions I made that day were the best ones.
I wonder if she's not speaking yet because she's stubborn or if it's because I have not stopped anticipating her needs. I had one person tell me that I shouldn't give her anything unless she actually uses the word to ask for it. Considering she's never said 'juice, more, milk' or anything resembling these words, I don't think it's realistic to withhold food until she says them now. I can't exactly refuse to give her food just because she doesn't say 'food.' I'm trying to teach her the words and I'm not giving her things without trying to get her to say the words. But I'm also not withholding sustenance when she doesn't say a word. And then I wonder if I'm giving in too easily.
I wonder, as she gets older, how to teach her to be kind and to share and to love and to forgive and to believe in herself. What am I going to say or do that will hurt her or cause her pain, unintentional as it may be? How am I supposed to help her become a well adjusted, healthy, loving person when I'm still trying to figure out how to be one myself? And I know I'm not the only parent to have these questions. All I have to do is look at the prevalence of books and magazines and web sites devoted to the subject and know that I am not alone.