My husband is a hypochondriac. Diagnosed by more than one psychologist or psychiatrist, in case you're wondering. I even understand the reason behind his hypochondria which allows for more patience on my part. I'm not going to lie, though, and pretend that it doesn't make things pretty damn difficult at times. I'm not even going to pretend that it's not a big component of our recent foray into marriage counseling.
Right now I'm a bit torn, part of me struggling for patience and the other wanting to hold him and keep his fears at bay. He's currently home with a bit of a stomach bug. He was home yesterday as well. Most folks simply hunker down and let a bug run its course. Due to his fears, though, he goes to the doctor when he feels poorly for more than 24 hours. This being the case, he went to the little walk in clinic around the corner this morning. This is now the third time in 6 or 7 months that he's been in there for the same thing. Keep in mind, will you, that this is not something the ordinary person would go to the doctor for. Most people I know just take a imodium and get some rest. For Chase, though, having the doctor tell him that he likely doesn't have some random fatal strain of parasites or whatever makes him feel like he's going to live so he trots off to the doctor with relative frequency. Based on this, the doctor he saw this morning told him she's concerned that there's a bigger problem and wants him to have a colonoscopy to make sure he doesn't have Crohn's disease, colitis, or colon cancer. I would like to go smack this lady.
Back in the early 90's my husband's mother died of cancer. She had melanoma that went un/misdiagnosed (there's some debate on what exactly did or didn't happen) until it was too late. It metastasized to her brain and she died before she was 50. Not too terribly long after her death Chase began to worry about his own health. His biggest fear seems to be that there is going to be something wrong and it won't be discovered until too late. And of course everything that is wrong with him is the worst possible scenario; if his neck hurts it's meningitis, if his head hurts it's a tumor, etc. These fears seem to have gotten worse as he gets older.
There's been lots of counseling and anti anxiety medication but none of it has completely alleviated his fears. I'm scared of what this doctor's comments may unleash. I've expressed my beliefs, but the decision to get a colonoscopy or not is up to him. What do I believe, you ask? Well, it's like this. He eats like shit. He smokes. He doesn't exercise regularly. The stomach processes all the mental and emotional stuff that doesn't get dealt with. Hence, he has occasional bowel issues. End of story. I know what you're thinking. Why does a man, one scared to bits he's going to die of something dreadful, do absolutely everything in his power to insure that's the case? I DON'T KNOW!!!! That's a huge source of my frustration. I would say more but it wouldn't be anything nice so I'll just stop here.
I'm digging deep, trying to unearth the compassionate part of myself. I'm not having much luck.
6 comments:
You're right: for someone who is a hypochondriac to smoke and eat badly just doesn't make sense. Unless he's fulfilling his self prophecy by killing himself a little at a time. He wouldn't be the first one.
Most men have to be dragged kicking and screaming to go to the doctor, so there's something to be said for him getting a colonoscopy and hopefully putting that fear to rest... sort of.
I totally agree with DJan. :( Sorry. ♥
Minus the hypochondria, my hubby went through this twice a year for the past six years. It started in grad school and he would have stomach issues for almost a week before he went to the doctor. They tested for Crohn's, diabetes, all sorts of things each time. Doctors typically said it was stress, but each time he said he wasn't that stressed.
My theory is that women have menstrual cycles and (for lack of a better explanation), a harder working endocrine system than men do on a monthly basis. So, every now and then, a man's body just needs to "cleanse" itself of the junk that has been built up (both internally and emotionally).
I know that doesn't help with the hypochondria... Do you think you could talk him into a 30-day "cleanse" diet to see if that makes him feel better? (At least physically!) Good luck!
I'm a bit the other way around. I have to be completely falling apart before I will see a doctor.
I wish doctor's would address the lifestyle changes. More often than not they do the tests and use pills to correct the problem.
Hang in there. Peace.
I'm not an expert, but I've read that a hypochondriac is motivated by the need for attention, not the need to be well. Why should anyone get well if being sick gets them so much attention?
He's a psychiatrist's dream patient, I would imagine. I think men are more likely to be hypochondriacs than women. I suppose that is a sexist remark so sorry men if you're reading this, but this has been my experience. They either run to the doctor every five minutes or they go into denial and won't go at all!
Obviously the death of his mother had a profound impact on Chase's feeling of well being and every time he gets sick, it brings back the memories of the awful time when his mother was ailing and the impending loss of someone dear to him. He doesn't want to do the same to his own family so he takes steps to prevent it. This doesn't extend to his personal responsibility though, with the smoking etc. but he makes an outward show of it by visiting the doctor's office as often as he can to reassure himself and you all that he is doing his best to stay healthy. Complicated isn't it. It's a shame that he has this problem because it is obviously giving you stress and that just reminds you of your own frailty and makes you anxious too.
I think, like you, that it would have been better if the doctor had not suggested the colonoscopy etc. but hey that's doctor's for you. She's just being cautious I suppose.
His hypochondria is also bad for the children because they will pick up on that.
I wish you luck with dealing with this problem. I'm sure it is very irritating for you.
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