And how does that make you feel?

I'm feeling weepy this morning.  Having seizures tends to throw everything out of whack for me.  It makes my world strange; I don't feel like me.  The other day I likened it to how I felt after giving birth, everything feels off.  I'm wondering if it will go back to normal tomorrow when we all get back into our usual routine. I think part of the problem is that Chase has been home since it happened.  He went to work for a few hours Friday and yesterday, but for the most part he was home.

It has given us plenty of time to spend together.  I'm usually up and doing something around the house, cleaning, laundry, taking care of bills, but I've been relatively sedentary the last few days.  I've played with the kids, read my Kindle, and watched tv with Chase.  I don't usually relax that much, though I admit I've enjoyed it.  Perhaps that is part of the message of the seizure:  slow down and enjoy the people in my life.  Really, does it matter if all the laundry is folded or if the house is spotless?

We had counseling again on Friday.  It was good.  He seemed pleased with what we'd done.  When we went in last week I was apprehensive.  I didn't have any idea what to expect, which tends to make me nervous.  I was prepared to be fully honest, no matter how difficult it would be to hurt Chase's feelings or put him on the defensive.  That wasn't necessary, however.  The first thing he (lets call him Mr. C) asked was why we were there, i.e. what did we hope to accomplish.  I piped up (since I was the one who initiated this whole deal) and said I wanted to improve our communication, particularly when something is wrong between us.  I said I also wanted to make this more of an equal partnership.  Instead of asking why it wasn't more of a partnership or why I felt the communication was lacking, he asked what I thought our marriage would look like when we had attained these skills.

He went on to ask us, on a scale of 0 to 10, what we would give our marriage when things were really crummy.  He then asked what we'd like it to be.  I said I'd like a 10 but would be content with a 7.  He explained that we were going to start trying things to move it closer to that 7.  It doesn't matter if they work.  What matters is that we try things.  He kindly pointed out that what we were doing wasn't working so it wouldn't hurt to try some new things.

Mr. C went on to talk to us about what he termed the 'Masters and Disasters.'  The Masters are the ones who have healthy, happy marriages while the Disasters are the ones who end up divorced or just hanging in there, marking time.  One of the things that Masters do is spend the magic 5 hours together each week.  He gave us some paperwork that breaks down the time into 5 minutes here or 10 minutes there.  It includes a 2 hour 'date' at some point, but the biggie is a 20 minute period where the couple sits and does a 'debriefing.'  It's my opportunity to rant about the crappy drivers in the carpool or him to explain a new job he's working on.  We've made a conscious effort to stick with this even on the nights we don't sit down together for dinner.  Basically we've been more mindful of our moments together.  It's made a big difference.  I now feel like I have a few minutes at least where I can share what's going on instead of feeling like he's listening on autopilot wishing I'd quit talking.

We also talked a bit about sex.  In a marriage with young children sex is often one of the things that falls by the wayside.  It's unfortunate because it is also one of the best ways of connecting, of feeling like you've got the attention of your partner.  It helps couples feel closer and has a way of eradicating petty complaints.  Mr. C informed us that several couples he works with have found that scheduling sex works really well for them.  They allow for time to be together in their busy lives instead of leaving it to chance.    He asked us if we would consider trying it for a week or two and seeing if it was a change we were interested in making permanent.  I won't get into the gory details; suffice it to say we feel more connected than we have in awhile.

Our session this past week wandered a bit due to talking about my seizure.  Because my husband is a hypochondriac with a bit of obsessive compulsive behavior thrown in for fun, his lack of control when it comes to my health can become a bit of an issue.  Mr. C explained that all conflicts or disagreements have, at their center, one of two things going on: fear or the loss of a dream.  He said that in this instance it was a combination of Chase's fear for my health and the potential loss of the dream I have of nursing Connor for a full year.  The concept is interesting.  He intends to expound on this next week.  Or, rather, this week.  We have another appointment in a few days.  I know it's early days yet, but I'm happier with our relationship than I've been in awhile.  Somehow just being honest about the fact that we need to work on our marriage has made me breath easier.

I started this post yesterday morning and am just finishing it this afternoon.  It's been rather busy here.  My sister and brother in law and their brood stayed here last night.  Both of them had to get up about 5 and the girls weren't going to day care until after 8 so Ashley asked if I would mind taking care of them this morning.  I got them up, fed, dressed and walked down the street to the lady who's watching them during Christmas break.  Wow, to go from having 2 kids in the morning to having 5...it's a bit different!

Our first Christmas cookie making event.  Connor didn't want to be left out!

I created a monster with the cookie adventure.  Now, whenever I am in the kitchen she calls out, "I help?!" as she runs to get her stool.  You can see her breaking the ends off asparagus for me.  My little helper.  

Jordan has been helping unload the silverware for over a year.  She now can actually unload the entire dishwasher.  It's one of her favorite things to do, oddly enough.  Connor has taken to cheering her on.

If you look at that bottom gum you can see his one tooth.  Over 10 months old and one measly tooth. 

How's your week starting out?  Is everyone ready for Christmas?  We are mostly ready here...I think.  Hell, at this point, if it hasn't gotten done it must not be important!